Quotes and Poems from Birthmothers

A birth Mother's Love
I knew it was happening.. before I had proof it was happening
I knew I couldn't do it before anyone told me I couldn't do it
Not because I didn't want to but Because I was so young
Not because I didn't love you. Simply, because I was not ready I knew you would suffer in some way..
I knew i loved you from day one
I didn't know how to tell anyone or what to do
I knew I would face turmoil much more than that of which was already felt inside
I knew they wouldn't understand
I just knew I loved you and wanted you to someday understand
The truth came out and just as I knew they wouldn't, they didn't understand
I wanted adoption because I loved you.
I have never felt so alone....
I knew i wasn't
I did the best for you each and every day
Then came the day that I knew..
I knew you were a beautiful girl
I knew before anyone else knew
Then that day came that I felt you moving...
I knew this would surely be the hardest thing I'd ever do
I knew adoption would cause me Heartache I just knew
That day came
I knew it was going to be your Birthday..
I knew I was strong enough I just knew
OMG.. Is this really Happening..
I knew your Daddy needed to be there
I saw your beautiful face
I knew I needed more strength..
I never knew I'd feel this kind of love I really never knew
I needed to make so many critical decisions...
I knew I had to do it
The love in my heart gave me the strength i needed
I cried... O how I cried.. Is this the right choice?
How do I go on without her??
Who will love her like I do??
Can I keep her? Can this work? Can I do it?
I knew I couldn't
I knew they would love you.
I knew you'd be ok.
I knew I had to say Goodbye
I held you tight and kissed your tiny face I held your tiny hand in mine
I told you I loved you and some day we would meet again
I love my Child, My precious Baby gir,l My heart,
MY ASHLEY!!!
I loved you from day one. I will love you for a lifetime.
I felt so empty for so long
I knew only one other person could feel that emptiness
I knew your Daddy felt it too
I knew i couldn't possibly make it through this I'd surely give up
I knew one day we'd meet again and I knew for you I had to go on.
I love you with all the love in my heart.
I hope you Know this...
I Look forward to the day we meet again My CHild
MYASHLEY!!!!



"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"

Skye Hardwick
founder of
"Life Mothers"



Adoption isn't a birthmother's rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all she can for her baby

(I found this written in a letter to my son and I cannot remember if it is something I wrote or a quote i found online.)

Mary Hines, Birthmother



I knew I loved my daughter from the first moment I found out she was growing inside me. Although I knew I was to naive, young and poor to raise her myself there was never a question she would be brought into this world.I loved her father even though we would never see each other again, therefore, the only sensible choice was open adoption. I loved my child to much to hand her over to people that I had never met. My feeling was and always will be that if I was to scared to look these people in the face, to know and love and bond with them, then how in the world could I in good conscious hand my baby over to them never to see her again? I know without a second of guilt or remorse that I made the right choice in open adoption. How can there be a negative side? Now my child not only has one set of family members who love her, but 2,3,4... How can it be bad to have more people love you rather than less? Now, when each of us wakes up each day to face a new part of our lives, there are no haunting, unanswered questions to get in the way of our feeling secure in who we are so that we may face the rest of our challenges with that knowledge on our side. Now, I feel like I have a second family too, not just my daughter. -

Jennifer Bouchard Doane,
Birthmother and Lifemother.




My baby was my gift to the world to show everyone strength in innocence and purity, and one day I pray my baby will come home to me to tell me of his journey that I can take with him.

By: Sarah Sowell

Gave birth to her son April 21st 2004
Open Adoption




It was so important to me, my selection of the family that I had chosen for my baby, that if for any reason they would not have been able to adopt her, I would have kept her. The couple I chose was the perfect fit, anyone else would have been second choice, and I wanted more for my daughter than second best

Birthmother who placed through Open Adoption



"I wouldn't give a puppy to someone I didn't know. I had to give my baby to people I had never met."

Anonymous



If you love some one unconditionally and with your whole heart, than you will do what is best for them not you. I have never learned a harder lesson than giving my child up for adoption and I probably never will.

Talitha
Birthmother twice over

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Quotes and Poems from Adoptee's

Adopted Adolescents

Adopted adolescents are people of pain
We feel the pain of loss, feeling unwanted,
We feel the pain that never goes away

Adopted adolescents
We feel the hurt, the confusion
Of living a double life
who will we grow to be

Adopted adolescents
We only dream for the day to come
When will we go home

We long for the day for a birth mother to find us
We wait and hope and pray today will be the day

-An adopted 15 year old girl 




People ask me. "What about gay adoptions? Interracial? Single Parent?" I say. "Hey fine, as long as it works for the child and the family is responsible." My big stand is this: Every child deserves a home and love. Period.

Dave Thomas.
Founder of Wendy's
adopted child


Its better to have a loving family than to have no family at all.

Rachel


"I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mothers maiden name."
- Paula Poundstone


There is no doubt in my mind that being adopted affects parenting in a profound way. But how it manifests itself is as idiosyncratic as each parent, as unique as each child....We can only do our best to follow our hearts, to watch both ourselves and our children with a compassionate eye, and to find out our own place on the ever-lilting balance beam of parenthood.

Susan Ito
adopted child



One day while I was hanging out with one of my friends the topic of our parents came up. My friend always knew that I was adopted through open adoption but we had never discussed it. I guess on this particular day he was feeling rather brave and launched into a slew of question, like do I see my birthmom, and, how often. You could tell that he was relieved that I felt so comfortable talking with him about it. Then he asked me, between my adoptive parents and my birthpartents which did I feel were my "REAL" parents. I was sort of surprised by what seemed should be the obvious answer. I told him, hey, they're both my "REAL" parents.

Young Man
adopted through Open Adoption



I had not realized how adversely closed adoption, and the absence of my biological history had affected me until I gave birth to my son Gabriel. When I held him in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt connected to the earth

Adoptee and adoptive parent Cori

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Poems from Adoptee's

Just Thought You'd Like to Know…
by Susan D. Walters-Yeasley
Adult Adoptee


Just thought you'd like to know:
I had a happy, uneventful childhood.
My parents loved me and still do.
My brothers and I got along fine, most of the time.
I grew up in a 'normal' home, happy and well adjusted.
Just thought you'd like to know.

Just thought you'd like to know:
I graduated from High School a year early.
I worked for a year, got married too young and went to college.
I had three fantastic children, got divorced after 17 years of marriage.
I have no regrets.
Just thought you'd like to know.

Just thought you'd like to know:
Your grandson is tall and handsome, very responsible, very smart,
A great percussionist, he graduates next year.
Your oldest granddaughter is the spitting image of me physically and characteristically.
She is beautiful, smart and very caring.
Your youngest granddaughter is a 'pistol', and the smartest 1st grader I know.
Just thought you'd like to know.

Just thought you'd like to know:
I am a music teacher--I've played the piano and sung all my life. I know you played guitar and sang.
I know you loved the out-of-doors; I would rather be outside than inside
Anytime.
I know you liked animals; I have a house full of dogs and cats and other miscellaneous creatures.
Just thought you'd like to know.

Just thought you'd like to know:
I live a rich, full life.
I have a great career, a mortgage, kids and animals and lots of hobbies.
I am happy and well adjusted.
I love to laugh loud and long.
I will be 38 this summer--but you know that.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't wonder,
Do I look like you?
Do I act like you?
Are you even alive?
Do I have brothers and sisters?

Just thought you'd like to know:
I have never bonded with anyone other than my children.
They are my only link. My only biological kin.
They are all I have in this world that I will never be able to lose.
Just thought you'd like to know.

Just thought you'd like to know:
I love you.
Though I may never see you or talk to you,
No matter who or what you are,
I love you.
Just thought you'd like to know.


The Question
by Gabe Myers,
Teen adoptee

I’ve grown so much but you weren’t here
To hold me console me or fight my fear
I wanted to know what was wrong with me
Where should I have grown up, where should I be
There has never been a day gone by
I don’t ask myself the question why
The constant filling of my heart with doubt
It was a secret to never be let out
Who exactly was my mother?
Then it dawned on me it could be no other,
Than the one who had loved all my life
The one who will be there through all my strife
The one who held me when I was scared
The one who I could always count on and always cared
It didn’t matter that I never came from your tummy
The point is you’re the one I will always call Mommy

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Quotes from Adoptive Parents

Today, my long-time partner's daughter had a baby.  The waiting room was full of family members there to support her.  One by one, they all filed through after waiting for hours, to hold the baby, wish them well and support them.  It made me think:

My birthmother had NO support at all.  She was 18 years old, in an unfamiliar town with no friends or family there to support her.  NO husband or baby's father; no parents...they had sent her away to have me; no friends;  Just a cold room with unfamiliar faces, going through what could be one of the most joyous moments of her life.  But instead, it must have been so miserable to be so alone, giving birth to what it was that alienated her from her family and friends.  I suppose, in the same situation, maybe it wouldn't be that difficult to never touch, hold or love what had taken her from her loved ones. 
Susan D. Walters


"For me, adoption is not second best because I know that sometimes God doesn't give us what we want immediately because He has something so much greater in store, even if we can't yet see it."
 
Kelly Swindell
Waiting Adoptive Parent



Five Reasons Why We Chose Open Adoption


* When she looks in the mirror, we want our daughter to know herself. It's hard to face the world when you don't know where your face came from.

* We didn't want our daughter to have the cabbage patch mentality. The truth is, her life didn't start the day we adopted her. Like us, her history and ours began a thousand lifetimes ago.

* We believe in a birthmother's right to choose, if she has the courage to place, she has the wisdom and right to choose her childs parents. Our daughters birthmother is her first Mother.

* We wanted to do a domestic open adoption so our daughter could know her birthfamily. Our daughters birthmother chose not to abort her, how could we abort our daughters relationship with her birthfamily.

* We both have family members and friends who are products of closed adoption. These people are still suffering the adverse effects that their denied birthright has caused them. We didn't want this for our daughter.


Debbie Weeks - adoptive parent
founder of adoptionopen.com



A baby is a miraculous gift from God, no matter how one receives it.  Some are given the ability bear them, others the ability to rear them.

My name is Wendy.  
My husband and I are in the beginning stages of adopting a baby.




If a child is born and raised in a home that is loving and nurturing, where there is complete truth about who we are, you can't give a child any greater place from which to fly.

Amanda Bearse
adoptive parent



Time and experience have taught me a priceless lesson: Any child you take for your own becomes your own if you give of yourself to that child. I have born two children and had seven others by adoption, and they are all my children, equally beloved and precious.

Dale Evans
adoptive parent



It is a colorfull litany that winds toward me from the horizon like a road across a rocky desert...And the road ends in my arms at my own oasis-our daughter.

Adoptive parent



We look at adoption as a very sacred exchange. It was not done lightly on either side. I would dedicate my life to this child.

Jamie Lee Curtis
Adoptive mother



I realized at the start that whether a child is biological or adopted, one does not know all the ingredients in the package. That is what growth is all about. A child is the slowest flower in the world, opening petal by petal, revealing the developing personality within.

Robert Klose
Adoptive parent


He who can reach a child's heart can reach the worlds heart.

Rudyard Kipling



Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical.

Nicole Kidman
Adoptive parent



It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.

Joan McNamara
Adoptive parent


However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle.

Valerie Harper
Adoptive parent




By choice, we have become a family, first in our hearts, and finally in breath and being. Great expectations are good; great experiences are better.

Richard Fischer
Adoptive parent


Needing to connect to ones biology is so instinctive, that people when meeting your adoptive child will tell you, "Oh look! She has your smile" or "look, he has your beautiful hair," knowing full well that there is no biological connection, but sensing the importance that your child needs to know that they look like someone.

Debbie Weeks
Founder of Adoptionopen.com


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Poems from Adoptive Parents

This is Love

Kris Kroeker 2005

dedicated to my child's birthmom

I know you love me
You loved me from the start
I know that you want the best for me
I know this because you made a plan for me
A plan so I would grow up with my mom and dad
A mom and dad you knew would love me as much as you do
I know it tore your heart apart to make this plan for me
I know it hurt when you put me first
I know that you feel the pain of empty arms
I know that my pictures are spread across your walls to try and fill the hole

You need to know that I was hurting too
I felt the loneliness
I felt the emptiness when my new parents held me
When you were gone
When I couldn't hear your familiar voice
I was too little to put it into words, but I cried out for you
I wanted YOU to hold me
I wanted to hear YOUR voice
But it didn't work that way
Life gave me hurt and loneliness
But you knew that your plan was good
And that your love was bigger than the pain
It would have been so easy for you to hold me tight and never let me go
But you were too strong for that
You knew what your love would do
You knew the pain would heal
You knew I needed my mom and dad
And you knew they needed me
You knew I would be loved
And that when love is shared it grows
I know that love
I feel it every day
Every time my mom picks me up and holds me
Every time my dad laughs at some little thing I do
When they wake me up to squeeze me in the morning
And when they put me down in bed for night
I know that I am loved

This is love
You died inside when you showed your love
You sacrificed your world for me
I will always remember what you gave
You gave me life
You gave me my parents
You gave me love

This is love


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Quotes from Adoption Professionals

“When you honor the birth family, you honor the child. When you don't honor the birth family, the child will believe that something is inherently wrong with him/her.”

Sherrie Eldridge

President, Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network

Author of Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew and Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make.

Sherrie Eldridge|JAJANI
Author|Speaker


Being a mother is a noble status, right?
So why does it change when you put ‘unwed' or ‘welfare' in front of it?

--Gloria Steinem, founder, Feminist Party, 1971; quoted in
  "The Verbal Karate of Florynce R. Kennedy," MS Magazine



"We should not be asking who this child belongs to, but who belongs to
this child."

- Jim Gritter


"For people who are frightened of changes in the adoption law, there is
nothing to fear."

- Washington State Supreme Court Justice Faith Ireland



"To be ignorant of what happened before you were born is to be ever a child."

- Cicero



Closed adoption is malpractice.

--Reuben Pannor, MSW, LCSW, CA


Closed adoption is institutionalized denial.

--Nancy Murray, LCSW, Placement Supervisor,
  "The Whole Family," CO



In the Old Testament. the phase "I will blot out their names"
(to erase their identity...as though they had never existed)
is a more powerful threat even than physical death.
--Dr. Rollo May,

 "Man's Search for Himself," WW Norton & Co,


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sealed records are a form of child abuse.

--Sharon Kaplan, BSW, MS, "adoptive" mother,
  "Parenting Resources," Tustin, CA



Adoptee rights are human rights.

--Lori Carangelo, "birth" mother,
  founder, Americans For Open Records (AmFOR)
  http://www.abolishadoption.com/amfor.html
  accesspress@yahoo.com



A right is not a right, in America,
unless it extends to all Americans.

--Archibald Cox, Special Prosecutor, Watergate


Our governments play games with adults.
--Judith Brans, adoptee,

  founder, Parent Finders, Ontario, Canada


I believe it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.

--H.L. Mencken, newspaper mogul


It is better to know nothing,
than to know it ain't so.

--Josh Billings, aka Henry Wheeler Shaw, 1874



Love is not a felony.  So open records.

--Emily Bernhardt, adoptee, CA


Know Thyself.

--Inscription of the Delphi Oracle



Both the courage and trust of those who decide to place their babies for adoption and the enthusiasm of those who adopt them are overwhelmingly vindicated by the tens of thousands of successful adoptions that take place in this country every year.

The New Yorker
editorial



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Can We Quote You?
Please send us your own personal proverbs, wisdoms or quotes on adoption so that we can share them with our viewers. You can E mail your message to, info@adoptionopen.com



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